Friday, June 21, 2013


I so admire all the people who put their thoughts out THERE into the Great Unknown....
I'm mostly afraid to do that.
I want to be more BRAVE. To actually think that something I am thinking or experiencing could possibly be of help to someone else.....
I try to embrace and believe that "All things work together for them whom are called according to HIS Purpose".
That MY Story had a purpose.
That the daily battle is worth sharing.
I've been struggling a lot with panic and anxiety lately. It comes over me in a big wave..... Suddenly I feel like I want to just jump out of my skin, that I can't breathe & I don't know how I will get through my day....or the next minute....that I desperately need RESCUED.....
I have meds....and a really sweet Therapist, who is ready with lots of advice. She seems to believe in me. She tries to give me lots of good options. She tells me I can take everything slowly. That I can do things on my OWN terms. Make it less frightening for myself. That I am a GOOD Mother and Wife. That my children will be fine....that it's OK to let them try some things on their own. 
Last week we explored the first time I ever experienced the fear that someone would leave me. That I was not SAFE.
Turned out to be when I was about 11 yrs old & my Mother & Dad would get into an argument & my Dad would threaten to leave us. My little brother and I sitting/standing in front of the door he was threatening to walk out of. Crying. Begging him to stay. It felt like DEATH.....couldn't breathe....
I could not imagine a life without him. He was our rock. What was this MADNESS??
Somehow things would calm. He would relent, and my brother & I would go back to bed to try to sleep, but how can you when your very foundation has been rocked and you've seen the cracks in it......??


All Things Considered said...

You ARE a brave girl. Keep at it dear one. Courage is not the absence of fear, but moving ahead in spite of it.

Anonymous said...

You were a very brave girl who turned into a very brave woman. Being scared is part of being brave. If we aren't scared to begin with, then how could we be brave?

Thanks for sharing - you have undoubtedly helped others by sharing your story.

God bless you.