Friday, June 21, 2013

BRAVE

I so admire all the people who put their thoughts out THERE into the Great Unknown....
I'm mostly afraid to do that.
I want to be more BRAVE. To actually think that something I am thinking or experiencing could possibly be of help to someone else.....
BRAVE.
I try to embrace and believe that "All things work together for them whom are called according to HIS Purpose".
That MY Story had a purpose.
That the daily battle is worth sharing.
I've been struggling a lot with panic and anxiety lately. It comes over me in a big wave..... Suddenly I feel like I want to just jump out of my skin, that I can't breathe & I don't know how I will get through my day....or the next minute....that I desperately need RESCUED.....
I have meds....and a really sweet Therapist, who is ready with lots of advice. She seems to believe in me. She tries to give me lots of good options. She tells me I can take everything slowly. That I can do things on my OWN terms. Make it less frightening for myself. That I am a GOOD Mother and Wife. That my children will be fine....that it's OK to let them try some things on their own. 
Last week we explored the first time I ever experienced the fear that someone would leave me. That I was not SAFE.
Turned out to be when I was about 11 yrs old & my Mother & Dad would get into an argument & my Dad would threaten to leave us. My little brother and I sitting/standing in front of the door he was threatening to walk out of. Crying. Begging him to stay. It felt like DEATH.....couldn't breathe....
I could not imagine a life without him. He was our rock. What was this MADNESS??
Somehow things would calm. He would relent, and my brother & I would go back to bed to try to sleep, but how can you when your very foundation has been rocked and you've seen the cracks in it......??

2 comments:

All Things Considered said...

You ARE a brave girl. Keep at it dear one. Courage is not the absence of fear, but moving ahead in spite of it.

Anonymous said...

You were a very brave girl who turned into a very brave woman. Being scared is part of being brave. If we aren't scared to begin with, then how could we be brave?

Thanks for sharing - you have undoubtedly helped others by sharing your story.

God bless you.